The Meter's Running

A while back, we heard a lot of predictions surrounding the performance royalty thing. Back then, the head of the NAB at the time made a major production out of calling it the "performance tax" and issuing dire warnings about how, if radio stations have to pay royalties to performers, why, you'll see stations just yanking all the music right out of the computer and FM stations going to talk formats overnight.

As a talk radio guy, that didn't seem like a bad deal to me. Oh, sure, I used to do music radio, too, and I like the idea that I can punch an FM button on my car radio at any time and hear, well, static, because FM reception isn't very good in this area. But, theoretically, it's nice to have music available, in case I left my iPod at home. Still, if all of the FM stations decided to flip to talk, it would be good for my business.

It wasn't going to happen, though, and not just because the industry's moving inexorably towards cutting a deal on royalties. It was never going to happen because the mantra among many folks who have given themselves the title of "expert" is that talk is bad. And talk is bad, they insist, because of the PPM.

Ah, yes, the meters. You get fingers pointed at talk stations that have dipped since the meters came in, and for music stations, it comes down to when they do the daily and minute-by-minute numbers, and they show dips when a jock talks and spikes when the music's playing. (Of course, when you're looking at 8:17 am on July 8th for Men 18-34, you're talking about a sample size of Kevin, an assistant manager at the Whataburger down by the mall. It also doesn't address WHY people tune out; it might not be what a jock is saying, it might just be that the listener arrived at his or her destination, or went to the bathroom, or took the change in programming as a cue to finally get off his or her butt and go take the garbage out) Over the past couple of years of metering, we've heard lots of stories about consultants and management gravely shaking their heads and telling their morning hosts to keep the chatter to a minimum and, you know, play more music. Add to that the number of high-profile personalities whose numbers didn't hold up when the meters came in, and it all translates into management concluding that the path to radio riches is to just play the hits and get out of the way.

And maybe that's true, at least in some ways. But it overlooks something important about how radio works and why people still listen to radio despite having many other options, from Pandora and Last.fm to iPods and cell phones. It's easy to be a jukebox; it's hard to project personality and companionship. The host is the difference. Local or syndicated or voice-tracked, the host is the primary differentiation between a pure jukebox and radio. A great host -- talk host or music jock -- makes a huge difference.

But numbers don't lie, right? People don't listen to hosts talking too much anymore, right? It's PPM death, isn't it? I see that bandied about all the time. I've even seen people asserting -- apparently, they have access to the PPM numbers from a parallel universe -- that Howard Stern would have seen his ratings plummet had he remained on terrestrial radio long enough to be measured by the meters. Talk doesn't work in the meters, you see.

Yet, many talk stations do just fine with the meters, and I noticed in looking at last month's PPM numbers that a few of the music morning shows where hosts complained that their PDs and consultants told them to shut up and play the music are doing very well not shutting up and not getting back to the music. How can that be?

The answer isn't something the "experts" get paid to say, but it's simple. Good content wins. Bad content is a tune-out factor. GOOD talk will retain and grow an audience. Inane chatter will drive it away.

There's your expert advice. I accept certified checks or cash.

Wait, though. Why did some talk shows and stations take a dive when the meters started? Why did some hosts with years of good numbers take a hit with the PPM? You could say that the diary numbers were illusory, that people "voted" for the shows, but it could just as easily be that the hosts had become complacent, that the act was getting repetitive and stale and nobody in a position to stop that either noticed or had the guts to say something. Same for those music morning shows that showed dips when the mics were cracked: you know, maybe doing the Celebrity Birthdays at 8:40 every morning wasn't such a popular feature after all.

But the poor showing of a particular show or host doesn't mean that an entire genre is doomed. (Remember "FM Talk" aimed at younger male audiences? "Free FM" shouldn't have become the model for why the genre couldn't ever work, especially since it HAS worked, before and still) It just means that it can and should be done better. But that requires people in charge who can pick and judge and coach and develop talent, and that's....

...That's a topic for another column. A bitter, bitter column.

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How does one ensure that what one says on the radio is sufficiently compelling to retain audience in the PPM era? First, one doesn't speak in sentences that say things like "how does one ensure that what one says on the radio...." That's just weird. Second, one... I mean, YOU go to Talk Topics, the show prep column at All Access News-Talk-Sports, where hundreds of suitable items for your program await the loving care and special touch that only you can provide. And loving care will be necessary to talk about the shockingly numerous stories involving various bodily fluids and products being flung. Seriously, what's happening here? Why is the news increasingly featuring poo? Aren't there other things about which one (I mean, you) can speak (I mean, talk)? Why, sure, and Talk Topics has those, too, including the couple who insist that their real estate agent used their for-sale house as a tryst location, another Google Street-View prank, a job seeker who offered a reward to get a job (and didn't) , why gas prices are up again, why companies are reconsidering their maternity leave policies, a guy in a thong taking a dip in a pond, George Michael in trouble again, naked vacations, a chef licking toads in the kitchen. another chef who met a very cold end, a bad time to get attacked by bees, competition for Greenwich Mean Time, the convenience of mobile meth labs, the end of "Cathy," and all the "real news" you need, from the economy to the Prop. 8 ruling to, um, everything else. You can keep up with all of it via the Talk Topics Twitter feed (twitter.com/talktopics), too.

This week, you'll also find "10 Questions With..." Internet "Jiggy Jaguar Show" host James Lowe, who can tell you about being one of the first to brave the front lines of Internet radio, and then there's the rest of All Access with radio and music industry news first, fastest, and best (hey, don't forget to follow the Net News Twitter feed at twitter.com/allaccess), plus columns, ratings, job listings, and all the resources you need, all free. Also, download the All Access iPhone app by clicking here or the All Access Android app by clicking here; both apps were developed by the fine folks at jacAPPS. And there's always pmsimon.com, where you can find some of my other writing, mostly about ephemeral pop culture and the trials of being me.

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I'm going to wrap this thing up now, because I have far more important things to consider: I just ran into a news bulletin that involves both Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) and Lady Gaga. I don't know what's involved, but this must be stopped.

Perry Michael Simon
Editor
All Access News-Talk-Sports
psimon@allaccess.com
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